All I've Ever Wanted....

Have you ever had that person who can make you smile on the worst day, knows how to make you laugh, can tell when something's up, makes you smile just by looking at them and knows you better than you know yourself? Words cannot comprehend the way I feel. It's as if I'm incomplete without Her; I cannot think straight and my life is nothing without Her in it.  I am totally and unconditionally in love.
I find myself jealous of every person who is with Her when I'm not. I know I shouldn't be, and I trust Her with my life, but I just want to spend every single second of every single day with her. I know that things are going to become increasingly difficult, with us both at university, but I swear that I will be with her as often as humanly possible. It may seem silly to plan my future around one person, but She is my world, and I don't care about anything half as much as I care about Her. I want to be the person She comes home to, the person She tells all her troubles to, the person who can make Her laugh, the person She wants to cuddle up to on the sofa, the person who cooks Her meals, the person who buys gifts for Her just because She deserves it, the person She goes to sleep next to and wakes up next to every day; the person She loves.
I probably sound obsessed or something, but I am just so in love, She is my world. There isn't anything that I don't love about Her, I truly believe that every inch of Her is perfect and I would do anything for Her. There are times when I'm with Her that I literally just forget the world. I seriously wish that we could just run away for a while, just me and Her, and take time away from the world just to be ourselves. I don't actually think there is anywhere I'd rather be than with Her. I want to take care of Her and protect Her always.
I still get butterflies when I think about Her and when we kiss. Everytime I look at Her I realise how truly lucky I am to have someone so amazing in my life. I wish She would realise how beautiful She is, because She takes my breath away. Her eyes, Her smile, just everything about Her is beautiful. She is everything I could ever dream of. She is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with, sharing everything with each other and just living our dream :)

I'll never let your head hit the bed, without my hand behind it...

I haven't blogged for quite a while, so I decided to give a little update into my life.
From the 6th-10th, I was away with Her family near Stratford because my Girl wanted to take me away for my birthday. It was originally supposed to just be the two of us, but then things got complicated and we ended up in a caravan on a muddy field for 4 days. I'm sure She wouldn't mind me saying that the place itself was pretty boring; there wasn't much to do and the weather wasn't very good either. I did, however, really enjoy monday; we went on a proper date. My Girl took me out for a meal and then payed for the theatre afterwards. We saw Twelfth Night and it was really good! The best part about our time away was me and Her being able to be together every night, just cuddling and talking. It was so perfect and it made me realise that She is the person I want to spend my life with. I want to go to sleep holding Her every night and wake up next to Her every morning. The first night we had a really nice chat and we properly opened up to each other; it was so nice to know that She trusts me and that I can tell Her anything without Her judging me. The holiday didn't end very well; Her mum was angry and shouting about stuff, but I think everything's sorted now. I'm still going to try to stay away for a while though; Her mum is definitely not my biggest fan.
I feel like we're closer than ever right now and totally loved up. Every moment we have together is so special and I can't help but keep reminding Her how beautiful She is and how perfect She is. It's almost like we are meant to be together. I can't imagine my life without Her; She is everything to me.
I know that posting this on a blog is probably pathetic, and people may not believe me when I say it, but honestly, She is my world, She is my soul mate and I am Hers forever. When we got together 4 months ago, I never would have expected us to be where we are now, I'm not really sure what I expected, I just knew that I wanted to be with Her. She makes me happy and I know that it's never going to be easy, but She's worth fighting for and I'm going to always try my best to make sure She knows it and to make sure we stay strong. I love Her and I want to be with Her in every way, always.

It's like I'm holding on to heaven...

So I've officially broken up for Easter for two weeks; the fact that I'm in school monday and tuesday makes it feel like the holiday hasn't started yet. I know that this holiday I need to knuckle down and get revising as well as doing my work. I do want to do well in my exams, I'm just not really very clever. The only thing I can do really is to try and revise as much as possible. I've got 5 exams in total, 4 of which fall in the same week. In some respects, my exams will be over and done with fairly quickly, but in reality, it gives me very little time to revise at all. To tell you the truth, I'm shitting myself; I'm so scared.
This week has been pretty crap and I'm so tired now (even though I'm awake really early on a saturday morning). I went to London on tuesday to a psychology conference, and I didn't enjoy it at all. We spent ages on the coach and the whole day was rushed. Also, I felt like crap because I knew there was something wrong with my Girl but She wouldn't tell me. I think things are okay now though, thank God. I spent time with Her after school yesterday which was really nice although we didn't get to be totally alone, so that was unfortunate. She is supposed to be spending the day with me on sunday though, which I hope will still happen so that we can just be together; be ourselves. I know the next few months are going to be hell on us because of exams and stuff, so I suppose getting time together like on sunday (hopefully) will be really special and precious.
I won't really see Her much in the summer either because She's going on holiday with Her family for quite a big chunk of the holidays. And then She'll be moving away. It's such a horrible thought, and I know She gets upset about it, but She is the person I want to be with, I'm serious about Her and I'm not going to let anything get in the way of us being together. I'm scared too; She'll be far away and I won't be able to just turn up at her door when she needs me. It's a strange concept to think that She'll be going off to university and I have no idea what I'm going to be doing yet. I feel like such a failure. I'm so proud of everything She's done though, like I could cry about it; She just makes me so so proud. I hope that I'll still be able to make Her happy because I know She's going to make friends with really clever people that She'll have a lot in common with. I trust her with my life, but I'm worried She'll realise how much of a failure I am and how dumb I am and not want to be with me anymore.
It sounds really pathetic I know, but She really is amazing, beautiful and just perfect. I'm none of those things and every single day I look at Her and realise how truly lucky I am. I wish that She would believe me when I tell Her, because She really doesn't, but I will continue to tell Her everyday how I feel about Her and how beautiful and perfect She is.
It's my birthday in just over two weeks, my 18th, and I'm not bothered about it. I don't want to do anything for it because the 'circle' we hang around with are all bitches and are so petty that they will just ruin the day and that's not what I want. My Girl told me She is spending quite a bit of money which makes me feel guilty because I'm really not worth it and I probably couldn't ever repay Her because I never have money. All I want on my birthday is to spend a bit of alone time with Her and to forget the world for a while. She's taking me away next friday with Her parents for a few days. It should be quite nice and we're going to the theatre which will be good. I wish it was just us though; we were saying the other day it would be nice if we could just get away for a while, me and Her without anybody else to get in the way. But it means I'll spend Easter with her which will be nice.
Anyway, I'm going to attempt some work/revision today and try to get money from my parents (haha, no chance). So for now,
Chin Up and Peace Out xox

I won't let you go...

It seems so insignificant to blog about the way I feel, but if my girlfriend ever reads this, then maybe she'll truly understand how I feel.
There isn't a second that goes by when I'm not thinking of Her. Literally, She is always on my mind. I do believe that everything about Her is perfect. The fact that She notices all the little things about me and loves them and that She loves everything that I hate about myself. I love the way She cares about me and puts me first, the way She cuddles me; I could spend forever in Her arms, the way She tells me things nobody else knows, the way that she cries when she's happy because She loves me that much, the way She accepts everything about me, the way She looks in the morning, the way She looks when She's all dressed up. The little smile She does after our kisses, the way She sometimes goes all shy, when She sings to me, when She looks into my eyes, the way we both just loose ourselves in each other and forget everything else.
I love that whenever we're together, I know that nothing and no one could ever hurt me because She's there to look after me. I love all the stupid things we do together like talk in funny accents or do funny dances. I love the fact that She is the only person who makes me properly giggle like a child, properly smile and go all shy.
I hope that I'll always be able to look after Her because I never want to lose Her. I want to be the one She wakes up next to and goes to sleep next to every night, I want to be the one who cooks Her breakfast in bed every morning, the one who takes care of Her when She's ill, the one who shares every precious moment with Her. Even though other aspects of my life aren't going well, She is my support and my rock. She is my best friend and the only person I can truly trust. I know that She'll never let me down, just as I will do everything in my power to never let her down and to look after her for the rest of my life.

It's always better when we're together...

This week has been really mixed to be honest; school's been crap as usual, but I've spent a couple of really good days with my beautiful girl, so I can't complain really.
Wednesday was a really nice day; we went out after school and then I went back to Hers for a while. It was so nice to just be ourselves. We spent most of yesterday together too; I feel guilty now that She has so much work to do that She could've done yesterday but I enjoyed our time together anyway. I thought at one point that She was really pissed off with me, but everything was resolved in the end, and today is our three-month anniversary. Three months doesn't sound like a long time, but they have been the best three months of my life and I wouldn't change it for the world. I know that it all sounds so cliché, but in all honesty, I've never been happier. I could happily spend the rest of my life with Her; She is my whole world.
School's going really badly lately; I've got to attend an 'intervention evening' because I'm a 'cause for serious concern' haha. And I have to have a meeting with my head of year and music teachers because they have complained about me; nice :) I probably don't care as much as I should anymore, but I am still trying my absolute hardest; I have given up, but I do want to pass my A-levels so I guess I have to knuckle down a little.
This week shouldn't be too bad; me and Her are dressing up as Holmes and Watson for shape day on tuesday, I have a concert on wednesday (bad times) and that intervention evening on thursday. We're supposed to be going to a friend's house on friday night and stopping over, so hopefully She'll cuddle up to me at night and we can have a good time with our friends. This is why She's so perfect; She's my best friend too which means we can do stuff with our other friends and have a great time as friends but then we can have some perfect moments together, just us.
I do wish that things were easier sometimes, but life is here to challenge I suppose and I know that we can face anything as long as we are together. I can't tell Her enough how perfect She is to me and how much I love Her, words don't do it justice. I am hopelessly and unconditionally in love with Her and it is the best feeling in the world.
Anyway, for now,
Chin Up and Peace Out xox

I'll look after you...

This weekend was a bit of a strange one if I'm honest. The meal I went to on Saturday wasn't that good to be honest; I realised that I don't really fit in with my family. I spoke to my Uncle a little bit, but other than that I seem to be miles apart from everyone else. It's so horrible to be sat around a table with your own family feeling like you don't belong. Anyway, the meal went on until about 10, which meant that I still had to go home to pick up my bags before going to my girlfriend's house. By the time I got there, the party was practically over. I felt like I had missed pretty much everything, but I was glad that I was there to make sure my Girl was okay. We didn't sleep at all Saturday night; we just couldn't seem to get to sleep at all, so we spent the night just making small talk really. I was also a little worried about her becoming ill during the night, so I think part of me subconsciously stayed up to look after her.
Sunday was spent lazing about but unfortunately, my Girl was really poorly. I did my best to look after her; I cuddled her whilst she napped and I made her food and stuff to try and make her feel better. I did sleep on Sunday night, but I kept waking up every time She moved just in case something was wrong; I think I woke up to check on Her and then went back to sleep again. It was nice though, being able to take care of Her and prove to Her that I'll always be there for Her and I'd do anything. Whilst She was asleep, I cuddled her to me; it was so nice, being able to just hold Her and know that She was safe in my arms. We both had school on Monday so it was an early wake-up for us both, but I have to admit, getting up for school is so much easier when you can have a little cuddle in bed with your girlfriend first :')
Monday was quite a crap day really; She was still ill and ended up going home, and I felt ill too; having to stay until like 5 after school was something I didn't want to do, so I ended up crying and just walking out. Of the evening though, I managed to help my Girl write an essay which made me feel better; I love to know that I've helped her even just a little bit. I'm not sure why, I suppose it's just because She is so amazing and so perfect, I want Her to be happy and knowing that I've helped makes me happy too.
I think today was one of those days that although things seem to have just gone wrong, I still can't help but fall in love all over again. Work wise, She didn't have a very good day, but I tried my best to give her a cuddle and a few kisses to let her know that I was still proud and I was there to help. We were in lesson together for two hours this afternoon and it was one of those lessons in which we don't really get much done, but just spend a little time having a laugh and a joke with each other and, maybe a little flirting ;) Honestly, She is so beautiful and just, so perfect to me, I fall in love over and over again. It's difficult to imagine one person meaning so much, but I can genuinely say that She is my everything and I can't imagine my life without Her. I wish She could see herself how I see Her because then She'd know how I truly feel. I really wish we could be together again this weekend, so She can lie in my arms again and I can take care of Her properly. I miss Her all the time and I know I shouldn't, but I always worry about Her.
The next 3 days at school are probably going to be rubbish, as usual, the only thing I have to look forward to is seeing Her beautiful face everyday. I just hope I don't get too much work, I could do with a break (couldn't we all though). I hate Sixth Form but there isn't much longer left anyway.
I must now try and complete my composition for music; it isn't going to get finished but oh well, I've given up anyway haha.
Chin Up and Peace Out xox

A standard day.

Well, yesterday I recieved 3 A2 exam results from the exams I took in January and to be quite honest, they weren't good. I've got to re-take two of them, which puts more pressure on me in June, but hopefully I'll be able to achieve a better grade which will make me feel better about myself. I'm not sure why, but yesterday really knocked my confidence a heck of a lot. I ended up not going to band (a regular Thursday night commitment - a brass band, not some cool group I'm in - I'm a loser after all) and going to my girlfriend's house to cry for an hour. I just feel like I've put so much effort into everything and have got nothing in return. I know I wasn't the only one who was disappointed in their results, and I'm proud of every single one of my friends whatever their results were, but I suppose it was just a really bad day for me and with all the disappointment I seem to have had lately, it just pushed me over the edge.
Anyway, school today seemed to drag, just as Fridays always do, and I had to stay until 5pm to do extra work because I'm 'behind'. It's not really my own choice whether I stay, I kind of have to. However, on the bright side, it is now just gone 9pm and I've got this weekend to look forward to.
Tomorrow I'm going for a family meal to celebrate my Nan and Grandad's wedding anniversary and then afterwards I'm going to my girlfriend's house to stay over Saturday and Sunday night. I'm looking forward to being able to spend time just us. Waking up next to Her, making Her breakfast, making Her laugh, cuddling and kissing Her and just lazing about. It seems just lately that in our hectic lives, we've hardly had chance to really be together, so it'll be great to take some time to chill out and just be ourselves. Sometimes, I feel that She is the only person I can genuinely be myself around, like everybody else will always judge you, whether they mean to or not. My girlfriend has never judged me; she loves me for who I am just as I love Her for who She is and who She's going to be. To me, She's perfect.
She is my inspiration, my idol, everything I aspire to be. I have so much respect for Her and I'm so proud, I can't even begin to explain. It's strange to sometimes look back to when we first met because we were best friends for about a year. Neither of us could really put it into words what happened between us, other than we simply fell in love. I wouldn't change anything that has happened though because I feel like although there's a lot going on at the moment, I know that with Her is where I belong. I've never found a girl 'attractive' before Her and I still don't think girls are attractive now; it's just, with Her, I'm totally and unconditionally in love and I think she's the most beautiful girl in the world. I'd do anything to make her happy and I can genuinely imagine spending my life with Her.
I should probably stop now, I could talk about Her forever, alas, I have work to do so that I can be with Her this weekend, so for now,
Chin Up and Peace Out xox

Forgot about this

Totally forgot that I had set up a blog in December!
My first post should probably be about me, so here's all the boring stuff.


I'm 17, nearly 18 and I'm currently taking my A-Levels. I'm not really a 'typical' teenager to be honest; whilst the majority of 17/18 year olds go out on the weekends drinking and socialising, I'd much rather sit at home watching Doctor Who boxsets and sitting in my pyjamas.
The most important and influential person in my life is probably my girlfriend. Now, if you want to judge me, that's fine. Everybody's entitled to their own opinion, but I think it's unfair that in today's society we are judged by the relationships we are in and the friends that we keep. The thing is though, She isn't just my girlfriend, She's my best friend too. She's everything I could ever ask for. Okay, our relationship may not be described as 'conventional', but She makes me so happy and I can't imagine life without Her. We never expect people to understand our relationship, but we seem to have a special connection that just can't be described. She completes me and I just hope that I can always be the one to make Her happy.
Pretty much all of my friends are going to be going to uni in September, not me. I want to be a nurse ideally, although at the moment, I have 4 'unsuccessful' applications, so I think I'm going to be taking a gap year. It would be great if I can get an apprenticeship so that I'll also have money to see my girlfriend whilst getting relevant experience, but who knows what the future holds.
So, although I've had to alter my future plans for a while, I know that my girlfriend will always be by my side to support me and guide me :) Just because She's going to be further away, doesn't mean anything will change between us. I'm going to make sure of that.
It's easy to take things for granted in life but I know how lucky I am to have my girl and I'm going to make sure that She always knows how much I love her.
I probably sound a bit soppy right now, but I'm in love what can I say :)
Chin Up and Peace Out xox