So I've officially broken up for Easter for two weeks; the fact that I'm in school monday and tuesday makes it feel like the holiday hasn't started yet. I know that this holiday I need to knuckle down and get revising as well as doing my work. I do want to do well in my exams, I'm just not really very clever. The only thing I can do really is to try and revise as much as possible. I've got 5 exams in total, 4 of which fall in the same week. In some respects, my exams will be over and done with fairly quickly, but in reality, it gives me very little time to revise at all. To tell you the truth, I'm shitting myself; I'm so scared.
This week has been pretty crap and I'm so tired now (even though I'm awake really early on a saturday morning). I went to London on tuesday to a psychology conference, and I didn't enjoy it at all. We spent ages on the coach and the whole day was rushed. Also, I felt like crap because I knew there was something wrong with my Girl but She wouldn't tell me. I think things are okay now though, thank God. I spent time with Her after school yesterday which was really nice although we didn't get to be totally alone, so that was unfortunate. She is supposed to be spending the day with me on sunday though, which I hope will still happen so that we can just be together; be ourselves. I know the next few months are going to be hell on us because of exams and stuff, so I suppose getting time together like on sunday (hopefully) will be really special and precious.
I won't really see Her much in the summer either because She's going on holiday with Her family for quite a big chunk of the holidays. And then She'll be moving away. It's such a horrible thought, and I know She gets upset about it, but She is the person I want to be with, I'm serious about Her and I'm not going to let anything get in the way of us being together. I'm scared too; She'll be far away and I won't be able to just turn up at her door when she needs me. It's a strange concept to think that She'll be going off to university and I have no idea what I'm going to be doing yet. I feel like such a failure. I'm so proud of everything She's done though, like I could cry about it; She just makes me so so proud. I hope that I'll still be able to make Her happy because I know She's going to make friends with really clever people that She'll have a lot in common with. I trust her with my life, but I'm worried She'll realise how much of a failure I am and how dumb I am and not want to be with me anymore.
It sounds really pathetic I know, but She really is amazing, beautiful and just perfect. I'm none of those things and every single day I look at Her and realise how truly lucky I am. I wish that She would believe me when I tell Her, because She really doesn't, but I will continue to tell Her everyday how I feel about Her and how beautiful and perfect She is.
It's my birthday in just over two weeks, my 18th, and I'm not bothered about it. I don't want to do anything for it because the 'circle' we hang around with are all bitches and are so petty that they will just ruin the day and that's not what I want. My Girl told me She is spending quite a bit of money which makes me feel guilty because I'm really not worth it and I probably couldn't ever repay Her because I never have money. All I want on my birthday is to spend a bit of alone time with Her and to forget the world for a while. She's taking me away next friday with Her parents for a few days. It should be quite nice and we're going to the theatre which will be good. I wish it was just us though; we were saying the other day it would be nice if we could just get away for a while, me and Her without anybody else to get in the way. But it means I'll spend Easter with her which will be nice.
Anyway, I'm going to attempt some work/revision today and try to get money from my parents (haha, no chance). So for now,
Chin Up and Peace Out xox
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