Well, yesterday I recieved 3 A2 exam results from the exams I took in January and to be quite honest, they weren't good. I've got to re-take two of them, which puts more pressure on me in June, but hopefully I'll be able to achieve a better grade which will make me feel better about myself. I'm not sure why, but yesterday really knocked my confidence a heck of a lot. I ended up not going to band (a regular Thursday night commitment - a brass band, not some cool group I'm in - I'm a loser after all) and going to my girlfriend's house to cry for an hour. I just feel like I've put so much effort into everything and have got nothing in return. I know I wasn't the only one who was disappointed in their results, and I'm proud of every single one of my friends whatever their results were, but I suppose it was just a really bad day for me and with all the disappointment I seem to have had lately, it just pushed me over the edge.
Anyway, school today seemed to drag, just as Fridays always do, and I had to stay until 5pm to do extra work because I'm 'behind'. It's not really my own choice whether I stay, I kind of have to. However, on the bright side, it is now just gone 9pm and I've got this weekend to look forward to.
Tomorrow I'm going for a family meal to celebrate my Nan and Grandad's wedding anniversary and then afterwards I'm going to my girlfriend's house to stay over Saturday and Sunday night. I'm looking forward to being able to spend time just us. Waking up next to Her, making Her breakfast, making Her laugh, cuddling and kissing Her and just lazing about. It seems just lately that in our hectic lives, we've hardly had chance to really be together, so it'll be great to take some time to chill out and just be ourselves. Sometimes, I feel that She is the only person I can genuinely be myself around, like everybody else will always judge you, whether they mean to or not. My girlfriend has never judged me; she loves me for who I am just as I love Her for who She is and who She's going to be. To me, She's perfect.
She is my inspiration, my idol, everything I aspire to be. I have so much respect for Her and I'm so proud, I can't even begin to explain. It's strange to sometimes look back to when we first met because we were best friends for about a year. Neither of us could really put it into words what happened between us, other than we simply fell in love. I wouldn't change anything that has happened though because I feel like although there's a lot going on at the moment, I know that with Her is where I belong. I've never found a girl 'attractive' before Her and I still don't think girls are attractive now; it's just, with Her, I'm totally and unconditionally in love and I think she's the most beautiful girl in the world. I'd do anything to make her happy and I can genuinely imagine spending my life with Her.
I should probably stop now, I could talk about Her forever, alas, I have work to do so that I can be with Her this weekend, so for now,
Chin Up and Peace Out xox
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